I’m exhausted. Today was just one of those “can’t catch a break kind of days.” The kids are in bed but not sleeping, one is crying and the other one will come out in about 15 seconds to tell me “I have to go pee pee” for the 18th time. Which is 2 yr old code for “I’m stalling.” And alas, Kel is at yet another late night meeting. Today my kids ate shaving cream, I forgot about school pictures and I had to run to the store three times for forgotten things. Not life altering stuff, just truly irritating.
So, I poured some wine and sat down to listen to some soothing music, something true and poignant, something that would act like salve on my irritated soul. I know I’m blessed but a day of doing 2 kids under three is an extreme sport. So I turned, as I often do, to my good friend David Crowder. The Penny family loves the DCB, my husband even has a beard named after the man himself, which he calls his “Crowder.” I went old school and brought up a hymn, “Because he Lives”
I can remember sitting on the padded pews at Baldwin Street Christian Reformed Church in Jenison, MI and listening to my Grandma Mac singing this song. I would usually just snuggle up inside her church coat and listen, her coat smelled like cedar and heaven and peppermint gum. One time they sang the Doxology at the beginning of the service and I was convinced I had hit the church jackpot and would get to go home after only 12 minutes, no such luck.
Anyway, back to the grit and guts of right now…
God sent his Son
They called him Jesus …
Because he lives, I can face tomorrow
Because he lives all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, Just because he lives
Do you remember this one from days gone by? Don’t make the foolish mistake of writing off hymns. They’re the same truth we need today, it’s just the lyrics are from a different era.
Have you ever realized in the midst of a honestly written song or verse, that the words aren’t true of your right now, but they’re really a prayer for what you need? That’s what “because he lives” is to me right now. I can’t honestly sit here and tell you that All fear is gone and sometimes, all too often I forget that the worth of living life is wrapped up in the fact that he lives.
I usually feel dumb for needing the reminders on days when life hasn’t fallen apart, but it just grated on my nerves. I have obvious gifts, too numerous to count, but they’re covered in shaving cream and driving me crazy. Don’t feel bad for needing a deep breathe reminder on a taxing day. It doesn’t mean you’re unfaithful, just human. And friends, I am oh so human, so much so that it’s almost comforting. No danger of figuring it all out and trying to sift out those last few flaws. There will always be a plethora of “oh S!#@” moments and days when I’m prying my foot from my mouth.
But he lives, and that brings more peace and hope than this glass of wine ever could.
Don’t beat yourself up for needing to return to the source. Praise God that you keep coming back, there are far worse springs you could be drinking from.