I realized something this past week and I think it’s really going to shake things up around here. First off I owe you an apology, for a while now I have been compartmentalizing you and seeing you as my job instead of my joy. It’s made me crabby and unhappy and I’ve often focused on how much you get in the way of what I’d rather be doing. I saw you and your lives as items on a to-do list rather than the God breathed gifts that you are. I served you but I didn’t see you, I interacted with you to make you happy but usually my heart wasn’t in it. I was distracted and mentally checked out and you knew it, didn’t you? But you never stopped trying to engage me, wow, your love for me is astounding. I’m regretfully sorry that we missed out on truly connecting over so many beautiful and simple moments that have now passed us by.
I can’t come up with any valid excuses but I will tell you that I was hurting, healing and trying to survive. I’m whole-ish now and my heart is all in. There are still so many things that need to get done, but they are secondary to soaking up this life with you. I promise to look into your eyes more when you talk and to respond with genuineness. To see your needs as a part of providing for you to live fully and not as a bothersome chore. I can assure I am wide open to you and that I burst with pride over the privilege of being your wife and mama.
Thank you for all the grace, all the kisses and for never giving up on me as I spent day after frustrated day figuring out who and where on earth I was. Anytime I dreamed up a husband I never fathomed one as strong, gentle, wise and compassionate as you Kel. Anytime I imagined a daughter, I never knew that I would be given one as sweet and imaginative as you Noelle. And when I envisioned my son how could I have known that a little man awaited me with a huge blue eyes and a giggle that would melt hearts?
All the past is just that, it’s past, it’s where we were but it led us to here, this day and this life that we will always share together, come what may.
Thank you and beyond,
Leanne Rae and/or Mama
Are the people in your life your jobs or your joy?
Who needs a letter like this from you?
How can you engage your life with gust instead of looking at it like a to do list?