crazy busy connection (let’s share our secrets)

Tell us how you connect? It doesn’t have to involve Miami Vice attire.

I believe that every couple should have a date night at least once a week.  Before you respond with a resounding “yeah right!” please read on.

Kel and I go out together sans kids maybe once every other month, yet we still try to have a date night once a week.  It doesn’t need to be fancy, it’s often just the two of us eating sundaes over a game of scrabble or sharing a late dinner with cheap wine after the kids go to bed.

Because let’s be honest, how many of us have the money to pay for a sitter AND dinner out once a week?  Honestly?  We don’t.

So we have to get creative, and I bet you do too.  Along these lines, I’m asking you to do me a solid, give me a belated anniversary present

Will you give me your best advice on how you and your significant other manage to connect in the midst of your crazy busy lives?  Despite exhaustion and the pull of zoning out in front of the TV, how do you make time to really see each other?

It can be something you do daily, weekly, or even once in a while, but I would love you to give me the gift of your creative connection ideas.

Here’s the deal, we are all going to share our best ideas on intentional connection in marriage by:

1) Submitting your ideas to me via email ( or commenting below or via Facebook
2) I’d love it if you include a story of why it works, make it personal!
3) I’d love it even more if you include a picture of you and your special someone.

Then Friday I’m going to share our stories and ideas here on the blog and that weekend we can all do something new to connect in our marriages.

So, are you in?  Will you share your secrets on keeping it sweet and even a little spicy?

  • stacey

    It was easier for us when the boys were little. Doesn’t that sound crazy? But we had the evenings and we worked a little harder. Maybe we’ve gotten tired, but just last night we spoke about how we felt a little disconnected. I’m looking forward to reading what everyone sends in. The only thing I would say… don’t stop. When you stop it’s hard to get back in the habit again.

  • staceydaze

    Oh! Maybe not the only thing. I would also say don’t wait. Don’t wait on the other person to do something, because sometimes life gets crazy. Don’t think it’s their job, but y’alls. So work together on it.

    • leannepenny

      Good point, it’s so easy to play the “it’s his / her turn” game. I find myself doing that all the time too. But you’re right, if you see a disconnect you just have to do something about it and not wait, I like this advice! What is something that you guys did when the boys were little to connect?

      • staceydaze

        Sorry for the delay in response Leanne. :) I know you already posted your date night post, but I thought I would answer since I found your question.

        We had pinics in the back yard after they went to bed, or would have a candle light dinner and a movie at that time. They had a 730 bedtime so we could have this time for us. We would sit together for half an hour after he got home while the boys played and we would just talk and share our thougths and day. This finally made me start preplanning supper so I could sit during this time. We were never close to family growing up, so sometimes we just took them with us. A movie, the zoo, even a trip to the bookstore could be an outting if we were all laughing and enjoying each other. It got to be the little things. :)

    • Heather Tiger

      Oh Lordy, you did it again. I sometimes think you have a direct link look into my soul girl. I literally was just telling (pleading) with Aaron not an hour ago that I need to reconnect, get some face time, or otherwise stop and get a hug from him. Most days we pass not only like ships in the night, but like ships lost out on a foggy sea, unable to hear the distress signals the other is sending out. It is painful and disheartening, especially in the haze of sleep deprivation via the almost 3 yo who refuses to sleep through the night and the 2 mo who wants to be held ALL DAY LONG. I am soul-weary and I know he is too. He has the burdens, business, and blessings of the church pulling at him as well as attempting to be super daddy, which he often is. I’m just trying to find the strength to keep my head above water, when some days I feel like sinking would be easier. As I make my way through the Ann Vos Kamp book, 1,000 Gifts, that you recommended, I strive to give thanks even in the midst of the mayhem I feel. I often fail. I carve out moments to devour some scripture to feed my hungry soul, yet it feels like I don’t have time to let it digest because the baby is awake and crying again (after 15 minutes), or Micah is no longer interested in the Play-Doh and life beckons and must go on. I know it is better than nothing, so I give thanks, mostly. I am grateful that I know I am not alone, yet I still feel so lonely. I need my husband, my best friend, my lover, and my soul mate. I need that connection and that quality time and physical touch (thank you love languages!) I need to be wanted and needed and loved for Heather the wife, lover, best friend and heart’s desire for a little while and not the mom. So where does this leave us? What can we do? We have talked about scheduling our time better, but have yet to put it into practice. We need to start today because tomorrow might be too late. We need to get back to what bonded us together in the first place. We need to laugh, share deeply, dig into God’s goodness, and love like crazy. before all he has is someone crazy to love.

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      • Amanda

        I know the feeling, Heather. I think the transition to 2 kids is so challenging for a marriage!! My second is 9 months, and I’m starting to see the light. :) Hang in there… your mothering is worship, your perseverence is worship, your longing for more is worship. It’s not very romantic, but it helped my husband and I to just schedule some time to connect during the week. And to turn the TV off once in awhile and just sit on the couch and talk. It’s so hard when you’re sleep deprived and just want to veg – but try to find something that’s energizing for you both, and take the time to do it! Praying for our marriages now…

        • Heather Tiger

          Amanda, thank you so much for your encouraging words. Good to know there is light ahead! Praying for your marriage and family as well.

          • leannepenny

            Thank you both, I savor the advice of marriage who are farther down the road than we are. And I love the honest and refreshing words ladies!

      • leannepenny

        Oh Heather, we are pretty much some form of that too, although Caedmon is a little older he is going through extreme tantrum phase and is getting up at 5 AM of before every day. What is working for us is to connect at night, even in our comatose states. IE Do a crossword puzzle together even though we fall asleep or watch TV but on the same couch, touching!

        We need to get our crazy circuses together soon!

        • Heather Tiger

          Indeed we do!

  • Amanda

    What a great idea! I’ve been thinking about reconnecting lately, too – it’s been a survival-mode season since baby #2 was born, but we’re slowly getting out of it! It has helped us to schedule days for a date night or *other things*, or just to decide to turn off the TV some nights. I walled myself off for too long, and am trying now to be honest about the stress I’m feeling – and also to ask him how he is feeling. There have been many tears already, but it will be worth it! Happy anniversary to you!!

    • Lauri

      Weekend getaways. They work wonders for our marriage. The trick is to not think getaways are only for when you are getting along. The best time to take them is when you are frustrated with each other. That is when you need to get alone and remember why you chose each other for this crazy journey. The other thing that is a must is SEX! Yep I said it, do it often, do it well and do it even when you are tired and not in the mood. It is a gift God gives couples and it will reconnect you even when your heart may not be in it.

      • Deanna West Piercy

        I agree with you, Lauri. Our kids are grown but I still remember how it was. After the breastfeeding time (a year for the first and 18 months for the second) we tried to take one or two weekends away per year (only one night but even that helped). I also recall a lot of quickies in the shower or the bathroom while the kids were otherwise occupied for a few minutes. Hey, you do what you can. Stay connected now and you’ll reap the rewards down the road when the kids are grown and gone.

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