I’ve expended all my creative energy, used up all my bright ideas, I have no new snacks or tricks up my sleeve. I look at the kids over the bar from the kitchen and we all sense it, a collective, “now what?”
We all have stretches like these, be they hours, days, weeks, times of great pressure where we eagerly await for the moment of “all done” to arrive.
Some seasons are hot and refining and it’s okay to look forward to the relief, growth and pressure was never meant to be permanent or comfortable.
Some afternoons we drive around in our car with no real mission and sometimes we stop at Kel’s work to pop in and visit the college life.
Today was one of those dragging afternoons so we stopped at his work and were invited on an errand to Home Depot. He’s crazy busy these days making repairs and fix-ups, preparing for the start of a new semester of college ministry.
As we waited for him to run in, the kids began a sudden and epic chorus of whining. I buried my head in my hands hoping they’d sense how close to the edge I was and give me a break (they never do).
Suddenly I rallied and grabbed the diaper bag, hoping to find something unexpected and magical at the bottom, something to restore the peace.
That’s when I saw them, the graham crackers I’d stolen from the salad bar at Jason’s Deli on Saturday afternoon. I thought they would be there forever, my “break in case of emergency” snack.
Turns out emergency only took three days.
I tore them open and passed them on back, enjoying the crunchy quiet. As they nibbled I wondered at how soon I’d needed those crackers. They were an asset gathered on the journey, that God knew I would need in a specific way.
Sometimes I pretend I’m on a great adventure, collecting things along the way to put in my backpack, just in case. Who knows what key I may stumble across that is just what I need to open up a gate down the road.
In that moment the graham crackers were my keys, and they managed to bring my amazing, exhausted clarity. I think reliance so often leaves us in a place of little excess, marveling at the “just enough” of it all.
Just when you get a $500 bonus, boom! Car repair.
When you get ahead in sleep, whoops! Time for some sleepless nights with kids or other conundrums.
If you feel you are at a place of calm and perfect peace, you may just be strong enough to weather a storm.
Maybe I’m not called to hoard or have stockpiles, but called to have hands to hold just enough?
For once in my life I thought this not with a cynical heart, but one brimming with gratitude. I sat in the warm van marveling at the daily bread, or daily graham crackers rather.
Always just enough, but never too much, always relying, never cocky. I’m at peace with the rhythm of reliance, just enough snacks for the moment, just enough dollars to afford milk until pay day.
Enough sleep to get by
Enough energy for one more bedtime story and bubbly bubbly bath.
Just perfectly, exactly enough.
May this peace with reliance gain a far reaching presence in my life, from graham cracker to houses, potential PhD work, Books to write, Seasons to Years, Little amounting to Massive.
Shalom over all of it, from simple crackers to the collective whole.