Yesterday I wrote about jumping into something swirling and blue, about immersing myself truly in the belief that whatever God has in store of me- that it will be wild and sweet, even when it’s terribly painful.
Today that jumping in seems to be calling me to walk away for a bit.
I try to write here four days a week and to keep up with all of you and what God is putting on your hearts. And I love it, truly and deeply.
Lately I’ve also been working like made to restore old furniture and convert old sheets into shabby chic rag rugs. I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t be, I think I’m called to be a writer. But… I always feel I need to be bringing in more money, somehow, through an old chair or a hat,.
I fear there won’t be enough so I try to as kel puts it: “Hock whatever I can from our dining room table.” Although, now I’m wondering if this isn’t about a lack of trust.
And I’ve been mothering, but not well.
And I’ve been praying, but not really.
And I’ve been reading, but barely.
mostly it’s been a furious effort into something without a vision, attacking something I’m very unclear on in a wild effort to make more of little.
I’ve worked my hands dry and my elbows sore. I have been busy mothering, cooking, cleaning, folding, writing, crocheting, tearing, painting and my life feels too full.
My soul feels like a hot mess right now.
I need to take out all of these things and lay them on the table, sift through them and see what goes where.
I need to wipe the slate cleanish, and see what colors belong on the canvas.
So I am shutting the digital world out until Saturday to listen for messages that come from something deeper.
This isn’t because blogging, tweeting or facebook-ing is bad or wrong. It isn’t. In fact for me it’s quite often a gift. Some days you all are the community that sustains my solitary at home with kids way of living.
But I’m called this week to abstain from almost all of it so that I can be filled again with the right things in the proper order.