Today I’m sitting in my “office” in Oklahoma, sitting indian style on a dining room chair and munching away on veggie sticks.
I’m also contemplating some hot tea and about to give Kel his marching orders for a much needed WalMart run.
Yesterday we spent 18 hours in the car driving from Hudsonville, MI back home to Ada, OK. I wanted to kick and scream like a toddler for the entirety of the trip.
Because I was exhausted and the end was always forever away.
Because I hate long road trips
Because the kids were constantly whining and kicking my seat
And… Because I flat out didn’t want to return to Oklahoma. Michigan is home and I really do hope that God gives us what we need to do something about that in the new year.
For the entire trip, my moodiness ranged from sarcastic, yet chatty to venomous and frightening. I’m shocked I never sprouted a few Medusa snakes or fangs.
Somewhere around St Louis I came to my senses and said something to the effect of: “I have to stop whining about where I’m not and make a plan to get where I need to be.”
Because as much as I whined about our road trip, it was a journey that had to be done.
Or no matter how heavily I sigh about how hard marriage can be, it won’t get better until we work at it.
Or… the laundry doesn’t get folded because I’m complaining about picking clothes out of the basket (my inability to find a matching pair of socks has almost caused my committal)
OR the writing doesn’t get done when I avoid things due to fear… in fact it makes me utterly miserable.
So often we choose the easy, fluffy, fruitless thing because it’s far less intimidating than what that voice within is calling us to.
And New Years is supposed to be all about change and fresh starts.
God do we need a fresh start around here. We have every intention of popping champagne and welcoming 2013 with all that we have in us, bring it on fresh start!
Still, I get a little cynical about New Years Resolutions. I think that we go overboard in January and bite off more than we can chew which results in our dropping it all and feeling like miserable failures…
But… here is what I AM into: shrinking the gap between who we are now and who we know we’re supposed to be.
Mind the gap, seriously, this is the only outlook you need as you approach 2013.
Instead of listing all the books you want to read so that you can join in the conversations at book club or on twitter, read the ones that will bring you closer to the healing you’re truly after.
Instead of setting a goal weight to lose or a what swim suit size you’ll wear to the beach this summer, focus on slowly shedding the habits that make you less healthy and replace them with the ones that will bring vibrance to your cheeks and vitality to your life.
There is nothing more uncomfortable than doing something you truly believe isn’t right.
Than living out of sync with the person you’re called to be.
In makes you squirm in your skin because that inconsistency goes down to the depths of you.
So this year I’m into shrinking the gap, into feeling more like one I was created to be and less like the one I’ve settled on.
I’m nearly positive that my word for this year is going to be simply “trust” But more on that later, heavens… so much more.
For now, I mind those gaps.
The ones in the way I parent
The ones in the way I love
The ones in the way I fritter my time
But this year, seriously guys, the gap… just mind the gaps.
Do you feel the gaps? How can you work slow and steady to mind them, close them?