Overcome (to the point of the Happy, Ugly Cry)

Sunday morning I woke up in an awful state.  My chest was tight with anxiety, my mind swimming with unanswered questions.  I could hardly think beyond our budget and calendar.

The weight of it threatened to crush our prospects of having a peaceful or enjoyable Sunday.

Thankfully, God led Kel and I to pray about it all, which isn’t always our usual.  Sometimes I rant and rave with worry until I get put in time out.  And through this, God worked a small miracle and redeemed our Sunday.

We made it to church with only one song left in the worship set, and it was then that these lyrics hit my ears.

775882_28643193 There’s nothing worth more, that will ever come close
nothing can compare, You’re our living hope
Your Presence Lord

I’ve tasted and seen, of the sweetest of Loves
Where my heart becomes free, and my shame is undone
In Your Presence Lord

Holy Spirit You are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your Glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your Presence Lord

Holy Spirit, Jesus Culture, check it out here and then go to iTunes and download it.

Somehow these words hit me with such strength that teared up and grabbed my notebook, sat down and scribbled away.

When I stood back up, I had a new prayer on my lips, so much bigger and better than just: “God make sense of our budget” or “God give us direction for the future.”  I’ll still be saying those prayers, but I’ll be praying this one louder:

I want to be overcome this week, seriously and totally overcome by God’s gifts and fingerprints on my life.  I want to be moved to tears, I want to ugly cry my mascara off for the joy of what I’ve been given.

God, overcome me, all the time.  Overcome me with the gift of the here and now.  Take away my questions about what will be, soothe my worry with what is.

Overcome me with the laughter of children using funnels as horns as they put on a half naked parade in my living room.

Overcome me with the strange spring breezes that are floating across our town this January.

Overcome me with the variety of fresh food on the plates, the gift of berries in winter.  

Overcome me with the gift of friendships still strong, despite the miles.

Overcome me with this love, this marriage, these hands sweetly intertwined instead of shaking and afraid.

I don’t always love Proverbs 31, but when I do it’s usually because of verse 25: “She can laugh at the days to come.”

I want to laugh at the future, work hard certainly, be faithful yes.  But the end of the day laugh at the bounty with which I am blessed, loved and cared for.  To be so overcome with it that the very idea that God would abandon or forsake us is ridiculous, laughable.

My friend Leigh Kramer turned 33 this year and jokes that it’s her Jesus year.  Maybe this is my Proverbs 31 year, if only for verse 25,  otherwise I better get to dying things purple.

Two weeks ago, on my birthday, I commented to Kel that I do indeed have a few wrinkles.   But, sadly, they are a result of an often furrowed brow, more frown lines than laugh lines.

He made a promise to give me the crows feet of laughter by the time I turn 35, and although I’m not praying for wrinkles… but then again, maybe I am.

Dear God, may we be overcome by you this week, By your presence, by your Holy Spirit’s gentle leading, by your creation and by your abundant love, so obvious and extravagant in our homes and families.  Amen.

Have you been overcome by Him recently? Do you this prayer too? I pray that we all feel Overcome by HIM to the point of a happy, ugly cry this week.  

  • Kevin

    Your comments today are so much in line with what I am struggling with right now. Letting go, letting God … just being and not doing.

    I fight every day with my selfishness and my want to do things my way. To not try to come up with ways to deal with the pain I am feeling and let God heal me, let Him lead me. To look to Him for everything.

    I fight learned behavior that has accumulated through the course of my life. I was raised Catholic but can honestly say that I was not really a Christian. I was a nice guy and everyone thought so, I had a big heart (for such a little guy) and everyone thought so but underneath I struggled. I struggled with always doing things my way, it was what I was taught … no surrender, you make your own way. The funny part is until a few years ago I didn’t even know I struggled, just knew I kept ending up at the same juncture over and over again, making a little more progress than the previous time but somehow having to learn some of the same lessons.

    I struggle everyday with that concept. The concept of surrender and letting Him have control … God I need prayer on this! I cannot do this on my own! I so admire a friend of mine, she has done this. This truly is my struggle and one I am not proud to say I loose more than I win.

    So blogs like yours help me want to thirst for that surrender giving Him the control. To thirst like my friend does and remind me that being is not doing as she once told me. A concept that for a doer is very hard to practice.

    • http://leannepenny.wordpress.com leannepenny

      Absolutely Kevin I understand this so well. I easily fall into believing the lie that I’m the reason anything works in my life.

      I don’t have advice, it’s just step by step by step… Trusting, releasing. I think… It gets easier eventually as the rhythm settles in.