I believe that comparing ourselves to each other is one of the most damaging things that we engage in. We screw ourselves over royally every time we look around and think: “Oh she does this ? Has that ? Gets those numbers? Got that offer? I must suck.”
I hate this game, HATE it and I wonder if God wonders where we get off when we look around and feel like we’re lacking when he’s put us here for a reason, on purpose, perfectly equipped for his glory. We can’t compare ourselves to each other, it’s bad math. And the voice that calls us to do it doesn’t belong our loving shepherd but that of the wolves.
I want to detoxify my life from comparison, comparing weakens my spirit.
But resonating? I’m all for resonating, it’s God ordained community and it sustains our human hearts. When we resonate we send our voice into the world and receive back the echo of other hearts who understand our song.
Comparison is the unholy and evil “I’m not” but resonation builds up, it’s the holy and heartening “Me too.”
Today I undid myself quickly by engaging in comparison and allowing other people’s opinions of me to become more important than God’s truth. Can I paint you a picture of the unravelling of my day in hopes we can share a “me too” resonating sort of moment?
If you want to destroy my sweater, pull this thread as I walk away. (name that band)
This is how I destroy my own sweater:
First off we had another inspection and as I cleaned up our house for the 734th time I kept my thoughts focused in on how buyers would perceive and judge us through the state of our home. And all this in spite of the fact that our realtor had told me I didn’t need to clean for this inspection in the first place.
Then I compared myself to the other moms in the preschool drop off line and felt like a frump in an old mini-van (which I really do love).
After checking into Facebook I realized another writer got invited to join a group I’d desperately love to be included in, and I felt like a creative hack.
Then I took Caedmon to WalMart and he threw an epic 45 minute tantrum from the moment we left the car to the time I buckled him back into his seat. He screamed, grabbed things off the shelves and threw items out of the cart that he didn’t like, like olive oil and rolls of packing tape. Anytime I made eye contact with another shopper I apologized in shame and assured them that he was a good kid and that he was just teething, all of which is true.
Then I stopped by my husband’s work for lunch and ate with Caedmon as the students talked and chatted all around me. I felt completely alone in a room full of people at a ministry where I used to work but now felt like an outcast.
Finally I picked Noelle back up and sat on the couch in tears, I had successful undone myself and now had a choice. I could watch TV and hide away while the kids (hopefully) napped and rested, or I could attempt to tune in to the truth that would whisper my true identity.
I did a bit of both. Some of which is what your reading right now.
I think I’ve apologized over 100 times already today, often perceiving myself as a huge inconvenience. I’m apologizing left and right these days, it’s out of hand and it needs to stop.
“I’m sorry for offering you tea you declined to drink”
“I’m sorry my son is loud and 2.”
“I’m sorry you’re blocking the hallway, may I get by?”
“I’m sorry to bother you but… I have a question.”
“I’m sorry for calling you, but…”
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry.”
Lately I feel small and my voice unnecessary and somedays the internet feels like more than I can handle, because I’m in a cycle of comparison where I always come up short.
So I want to give up the comparison and to start off I’m holding up this sign, which has my crazy insecurities written all over it for you to see. Some days I feel small and I let the world tell me I’m nothing, but I don’t want to anymore.
I’m hoping you’ll see my crazy and offer some “me too.” Or offer your advice for what you do when you start to feel undone by what you think the world is saying about you.
So today? No comparison, let’s resonate with each other in this crazy world where checking into our phones causes us to feel small and “less-than.”
What do you do when you feel yourself start to unravel?
How do you stop the cycle when you feel your