• http://www.facebook.com/kristin.beisehandwerk Kristin Kraabel

    Oh girl! Constantly, constantly I do this. I don’t even realize it most of the time till the end of the day when I go over how many ways I fail, suck, and am the muck people walk on. Then I feel worse for my thoughts. Ugg. My biggest thing is looking at those babies of mine and knowing that it isn’t true and if they see me as amazing how must God see me. Those babies think I am the best when the house is a mess and I am playing with them. Their favorite meals are the easiest ones and say I am the best cook/baker ever. They like me best in sweats and no make up. I figure if those I love best like me that way forget the rest of the world because I am loved just as I am. Yes 5 days a week I get dressed up and go to work and struggle. I also write it over and over and over. For some reason seeing truth written down helps. Hugs from Minnesota, don’t unravel anymore sweaters…it gets cold :)

    • http://www.leannepenny.com Leanne Penny

      Oh swoon I love this comment. Thank you for your honesty by sharing how our kids see and love us. Lets both keep sweaters in tact.

  • Michelle Woodman

    This is resonating loudly and clearly with me — like a gonging church bell, really. So *thank you*!!

    When I feel myself starting to unravel, I usually do what you did — a bit of trying to hide away and seeking out/reminding myself of the truth God speaks into my heart and soul. The hiding away serves as a bit of a necessary distraction, as sometimes cleaning the house and cranking some music shuts off the burdensome loop inside my head. Then I can hear Who I need to hear.

    • http://www.leannepenny.com Leanne Penny

      You feel better by cleaning? I’m jealous, that’s doubly productive!

      • Michelle Woodman

        LOL! I used to clean houses for a living, so it’s nice to have only mine to look after now. :-)

  • http://www.facebook.com/tammison.smith Tammison Smith

    I feel you resonating like a tuning fork stuck to the side of my head! I guess I try a couple of things:
    1. I look at my own behavior. If I saw someone like you in Wal-Mart with a 2 year old throwing a fit what would I think at my most nasty. Yep I might think, “Geez lady control your kid.” But you know what I probably would think that for about 2 minutes before I was more interested in what I had to get done next. MOST people are honestly more concerned with their own needs, except in extraordinary circumstances, and your kid’s tantrum don’t rate! More than likely I would feel sorry for you, wave at your little one to distract him and try and give you a break from his fit and then move on to the paper towels and not give it another thought! What does this mean for you? YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE OBSESSING ABOUT IT. And, just guessing, but your tensing about the fit means your son gets more tense too. What do you think when you see someone in a similar situation to the one you find yourself tearing yourself down for? Why would others be thinking differently?
    2. What you are comparing yourself to is what you see on the outside. You see another mom’s new mini-van. You don’t see her struggle to make the payments. You see a writer getting into a group you want to get into. You don’t see him get denied entry into another group he wanted more. You see people chatting but you can’t feel the loss one of them just suffered. Meanwhile as you drop Noelle off looking at that new Mini-van what is she looking at that you are missing sharing with her? As you mourn missing out on that writer’s group did you miss your best friend’s beautiful little boy walking? Could you have been chatting with your son at lunch? What is passing you by wishing for what you IMAGINE someone else has? Dear Lord in his Heaven I wish I had known and believed and been able to live this when I was in my teens :-)
    Loss of what we want is real and deserves respect and time for mourning, don’t get me wrong, but missing what is right in front of us because of living in what ‘could have’ and ‘should have’ is also real and sad.
    I think it is inevitable that we all feel small and invisible at times in this world. The question is, who do you want to be. A good mother, a good wife, a good writer, a devote Christian. How do YOU define those things? Are you taking steps everyday to live your goals? If you are then why does it matter what car someone else drives or how many friends someone else has? Every day you crochet your own sweater with your efforts to fulfill the promises you make to those you love. I love that you are willing to look inside yourself to figure out the pattern to make it beautiful!

    • http://www.leannepenny.com Leanne Penny

      Wow, thank you for the compassion and encouragement! You saw this Issue from a whole new perspective, thank you for sharing this with me, truly.

  • http://dailygallen.com/ tim gallen

    oh leanne, i’ve been suffering from obsessive comparison disorder a lot lately, too! in truth, it’s a lifelong affliction that has led to a quarter-life crisis and various bouts with soul-crushing depression and heart-racing anxiety.

    it ain’t easy to get off the OCD train, but i’m doing what i can to do so. thanks for sharing this.

    oh, and btw – great weezer reference. love that song!

  • http://twitter.com/Piano_Jo Jo Inglis

    Whadd’ya know I tried to blog about this very thing the other day but didn’t complete & publish because the writing wasn’t good enough. This may yet be the push to get something out..
    I unravelled in a church meeting the other night, and I started to compare myself when others were praying (that others see me as not sharing prayer needs, or that I don’t pray earnestly & therefore don’t get answers.)
    The whole darn business is hard because it’s so deep rooted & we unravel on auto pilot without engaging brains. I did pray after the other evening and God recalibrated the perspective during the prayer. But often I like to wallow, it’s just easier isn’t it?

    Yeh, am crazy too & I appreciate you laying your cards on the table :-)

  • http://www.tammygrrrl.com/ Tammy Perlmutter

    Leanne, I’m right there with you, this is a difficult thing for me too, and most of us if we’re being honest that day:) This is beautifully and resonates deep inside me. Thanks.

  • Susan Heiser

    “I thought it was just me,” she whispers.
    Leanne, this was beautiful and true and honest, and liberating. Thank you. And thanks, Tim Gallen, for sharing it on Facebook!

  • Beth In the City

    Mmm…yes. Comparison makes me shrink and makes my insecurities rise! I work hard at identifying the lies when I feel them building. I love that you recognized that you have said too many sorrys.