I don’t know about you, but today I find myself once more broken over the state of our world as I weather a day of heavy hearted tears for towns ripped apart by a wave of deadly Tornados.
Something about moments like these cause us to pray “Come Lord Jesus” and “Lord, don’t take us home yet” all in the same breath, wishing to return home and clinging hard to here.
Our heavy hearts find a deep sense of gratitude in the small things that only hours ago seemed so ordinary and everyday.
Dinner dishes in safe homes with hungry mouths still open wide and chattering loudly.
We go for seconds and thirds on bedtime hugs with our children, embraces that would last for hours if it wasn’t for the wills of clean and wriggly little ones.
We wonder why we still hold so much in our hands when others are going to bed wracked and empty.
With each tragedy it all makes less sense to me and I loosen my grip on the reigns realizing that we live in a gorgeous, broken place and serve a loving, gracious God who isn’t pulling the strings on these tragedies but reminding us that he will set it all right someday.
My tears are hot with grief and salty with hope.
I shake my fists at God a little less these days and spent much more time in prayer, 1 part grateful and 5 parts desperately asking for supplication.
We may sing “Where oh death is now your sting?” but in reality even the most faithful feel that sting like a persistent fog.
So I walk through the house, I flip the news on and then off again, I put my heart into basement play time realizing that as much as I think things will never change, they already have in an instant.
How dare I waste a day of this gift? How do I remember this feeling in a few days when my life goes back to normal so unlike so many families in Moore.
I want to scribble this truth on my arms in sharpie: “You are blessed! Grieve with those who grieve and delve deeply into your life!”
Because I have life, and I sustain life with the gift of momentary breath.
So Oklahoma, even though I’m newly removed from your soil, I will keep washing and wearing my crimson T-shirt to remind me who I am and what you gave me.
I will turn on News 9 and pray and cry for by the grace of God my Oklahoma children are still here, still making messes and asking for warm milk.
I pray yours are too.
Peace to you, the Peace of Christ to you