I went to Christian elementary school
I went to all the bible studies and sunday schools
I was a Calvinette with copious merit badges (reformed girl scout, yes… that’s a thing.)
I graduated from Bible college and followed it up with a bit of seminary.
A lot of time and resources have been invested in my Christian education and spiritual development.
All that being said…. When things get stressful, anxious and hectic: I forget to Pray.
And then I beat myself up about it, compare my life against that of my scripture posting facebook friends and declare myself a waste of a Christian and a poser of a Pastor’s wife.
(You may be noticing two themes this October 1. I play the comparison a lot. too much. 2. I’m quite fond of beating the crap out of myself)
It happened again this morning while I was attempting quiet prayer time while trying drown out “Busytown Mysteries” blaring from the basement.
I started to beat myself up for my lackluster prayer life and general spiritual forgetfulness.
But I forced myself to swallow grace.
Pick up my Bible and start again.
Because we can’t go back and hit our knees yesterday, we cant undo our past worries with today’s prayers, but we can start today with a contrite heart, a reliant spirit.
And for that matter we have to stop beating ourselves up about our spiritual shortcomings, it only drives us further away from the God we so desperately need to rely on.
We have to stop using quiet time as a litmus test and start seeing it as a meal, a feast, a communion with a God who wants in on our minute to minute lives.
We can pray something that sounds like: Dear Lord, thank you for bushels of grace like apples in fall, shiny and new and abounding. Thank you for seeing me through even when I was far too busy to ask for it. Forgive me for the arrogance of trying to stand without you, again. Be in my breaths, redirect all my fears and freak-outs back to you with a silent whisper that only loves and never labels or lessens.
I’m writing every day this month about the idea of living “here.” Head back to this page to access all the posts in one place and please join me in loving where you are, just as you are.