Well if I have to write for 31 days, one of them will be about my cat and subsequent cat problems. #catproblems
Last year our family adopted my brother in law’s cat, a renamed him Alfred, after Batman’s butler. Because that’s how I saw him, my hired help to entertain the kidlets.
I envisioned a snuggly furball who would cuddle during movies, rub against my legs while I did the dishes and who would do the weird cat things that make it on youtube.
We got what we were hoping for out of Alfred. He chases yarn around the house and when the kids pick him up he goes limp like a rag doll and never retaliates or hisses.
And Alfred does one more thing, something I didn’t bargain for: He never shuts up.
I don’t know how much the average cat meows, but Alfie does it all day long. ALL. DAY. LONG. (also he licks people obsessively)
He meows while the kids are playing
He meows during the early morning quiet
He meows while I’m taking a shower
He meows while I’m cooking dinner
He pretty much wanders the house yowling, all the time.
Then he takes a break to lick my hand while I’m writing and goes back to meowing some more.
Sometimes it’s because he wants food,usually it’s because he wants to go outside… but he is a cat with many wants they must be expressed!
I’ve only kicked him twice and I feel good about this. Usually I lock him in the garage when I’m so irritated, I’m staring at the knife block with dark thoughts.
My kids ensure constant noise and when they finally sleep I want quiet, but instead I get crazy cat yowling.
My every sentence is MEOW punctuated by MEOW the constant demands of MEOW this cat that I MEOW wish I’d never allowed in the house.
I’ve been told we need to ignore it and it will go away
I’ve been told we need to make sure he stays inside for a month and he’ll give up
I’ve been told we need to take him to the vet to make sure he’s ok (he’s fine, he just sucks)
My best idea is to convince him the outside world is horrifying by scaring him with dogs, zombies and vacuum cleaners any time he attempts to escape.
But really I don’t know. The kids love him, the humane society is overcrowded and I’m stuck with the last thing I needed, more obnoxious noising.
What would you do? What should I do? Ear Plugs? Shotgun? Tazer on a stick?