The Worst Part of “Getting to Know You”

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So there’s something awful about getting to know me, especially if you’re a tender hearted person.  It’s this: At some point I’ll have to tell you my backstory and I’m nearly 100% sure that doing so will hurt more for you than it will for me.

I’m used to telling this story, you’re just not used to hearing it.  My story flies in the face of everything you’ve assumed to be true about me through our interactions.

Online it seems to be a little less dramatic (I’ve rolled out the three major blows of my life here, here and here) but this could very well be because you’re on the other side of the screen and have time to compose and comment, or not.

When people meet me in person, their first impression is usually that I’m a talkative, upbeat, bubbly mother of two who’s good for a laugh.

Then, at some point, the conversation usually has to take a turn, usually not the first time we meet.

It starts with someone asking about my parents, here, I’ll just dialog it for you. Continue reading

I want to be like my four year old daughter

Doesn’t it seem like we see it all on Halloween?  Super Mario Brother’s family? A dog dressed up like a latte?  Tony Stark and Pepper Potts?  (These are some of my personal faves from real life)

With the addition of the internet I don’t think many awesome costumes pass without our knowing about it.

But the most amazing part of my Halloween?  Watching my four year old pass out candy to other trick or treaters for the the first time in her life.

There are things about your children that are innate and have little to do with in-house parenting strategy.  They’re all nature and not much nuture.

Noelle’s encouraging spirit is one of those.  Can I be honest here?  I’m not the most encouraging person you’ll ever meet.  Although I’m working on all of this, my standards are too high and I’m an ENTP, who always sees room for improvement.

Then God gave me a tender, beautiful daughter from whom love and encouragement flows endlessly.

Halloween Noers

Last night when the first round of trick or treaters came to the door she held the candy cauldron with delight.

“Here guys, have some candy!  Great princess costume!  Good trick or treating guys!  Good job!  Thanks for coming!”

The phrase: “great trick or treating guys” undid me and I laughed as instant tears welled up in my eyes.  I had nothing to do with parenting that, that’s a piece of thread woven by a God who creates masterpieces when he makes people.

It was one of those moments where you see something on the face of the broken earth that rings so loudly of heaven it nearly brings you to your knees.

So pure and beautiful you don’t dare touch it because you’re sure you’ll screw it up.

As the evening went on she started to refer to the trick or treaters as customers and when some came while she was in the bath she wailed: “Mom, there’s customers and I’m naked! Dry me off and get my PJs, quick!”

Her face was a perpetual grin. She even complimented the people passing out candy on how well they did it. “You’re a great candy hander outer!  Thanks!”

There is no costume on earth that could have awed me as much as her spirit did on Halloween.

It amazed me and scared me to my core.  It caused me to sing God’s praises and beg for his help all in the same breathe because I don’t want to be the one who infects her heart with cynicism.

I don’t want to be one of the reasons she stops loving so purely.

When we see something of heaven down here on earth, we can react a myriad of different ways.

We can write it off, too busy to fit it’s wonder in our busy schedules.
We can take a picture or memento to try and remind ourselves of what was and could be someday.
As for me?  I am going to hit my knees and pray for the wisdom to nurture the beauty entrusted to me, a tongue that flows words like water, less muddied as the years go on.

Pray for a spirit that looks a little bit more like my daughter’s, so: “Great blog reading guys, thanks for coming!”

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