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So as we kick off this month on sexuality, I want to say something right off the bat: WE are doing this together and I AM not an expert. Every one of these monthly topics was chosen because I need it too, I need to unlearn some lies and grow into the truth.
And this month has me nervous, because sexuality is so deep and nuanced and full of passion, it can bring up deep pain when misused through abuse and also release us to be wild and free and fully alive.
So here we go, a month of learning about Sexuality. It is February 1st and my prayer is that neither you nor I will be the same when the calendar reads February 29. It is a leap year guys, I checked.
Sexuality is not just who we are in bed, it is a foundational part of who we are that is not to be ignored. It is spiritual, physical and psychological. There is not an aspect of our lives which in which it does not hold sway. This is not to say that one gender is above another. On the contrary this series will be written from an Egalitarian perspective as I believe that “Masculinity and femininity are fluid, relative, and difficult to pin down. And, contrary to what many of these leaders seem to be suggesting, one is not preferable to the other, in the Church or in worship.” ~Rachel Held Evans
(deep breath because… it’s getting real) I am not the most sexually confident person you know online, or in real life. I am a little bit uptight and I have, in my marriage and in general, had a hard time being comfortable with my sexuality. I have struggled transitioning sex from the taboo, True Love Waits thing it was in my adolescence, to the “all good to go” thing it is supposed to be now that I am married. This is why this topic landed on my list of “more like me” in the first place. I want too… de-prude-ify myself a bit, have a healthier marriage, more confidence and a better ability to relax and understand what I was created for.
How it helps you become “More like me”
You were created as a sexual being, you have male or female-ness in your very DNA and God did not throw this in as an afterthought to ensure the procreation of the species, it speaks to your very DNA and should be celebrated without shame.
Where It Fits Spiritually
No shame. If we go back to Genesis, before the fall, we see that man and woman were together, naked, without shame. For me, is it clear that when we are with our spouse, our forever partner, there is love, passion and partnership, shame has no place. God created us male and female, and designed for us a partner to share life with in every way. From the bedroom to the kitchen to the grocery store, physical and erotic, spiritual, mundane and everyday together in every layer.
Lies We Need To Deprogram
“Everyone else has an amazing sex life and it’s just me.”
“Marriage is the place sex goes to die.”
“I suck at this, it’s just me, I’m just not a sexual person.”
“I am not worthy of pleasure, so I will just go through the motions to make my partner happy.”
I am sure that I have missed some, maybe yours, so if something pops up while reading this list, pin it down if you can so that you can work through it.
Your spirituality and sexuality are intrinsically linked. You may believe that you just aren’t one of those people that can be comfortable with their sexuality, but invite you to rethink that. You may need to learn some things about yourself, unlearn some lies, heal from deep and very real wounds or even have your hormones checked. I pray that as we enter this month it brings healing and fullness of life to all of us.
Do A Self Check- What do you love about your sexuality? Where do you feel shame? What do you feel God calling you to get rid of, leave behind? What do you want to pick up? Where do you feel weak or strong? Take a few moments with a piece of paper and sit with these questions. If it is helpful, revisit this quiz to gauge where you are.
If this topic is bringing up wounds and you need to take a break from this month, I understand. However I do deeply encourage you to see a licensed therapist or counselor so that you can bring your wounds out into the light and begin processing through them to find healing. You are worth of deep love and do not deserve the pain you are carrying.
To learn more about the “More Like Me” series, go here to check out the parent post and see what we will be focusing on each month.
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