Category Archives: simplicity

Spoiled, but not rotten?

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© Goranmulic | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

© Goranmulic | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

I’ve spent a lot of time in our mini-van lately, last weekend to Dallas, this past weekend a day trip to Oklahoma City.  As my eyes take in the landscape of the southern plains, my mind wanders to all the different regions of this country, reflecting on all I have seen, and how freely we’re able to hop in the car and go.

Lately as my eyes take in the ever changing landscape, from small mountains to trees to scrubby grasslands, I can’t help but think about the freedom we have.  The freedom to be. To go. To live.

I hold our mobility incredibly close to my heart as a freedom, a gift.  A short road trip, something trivial for us, is a huge freedom for many in this world who may never know a world beyond their own 10 mile radius.

Yet, here we are free to strap our children safely in our van as they stare at little screens and eat healthy snacks and sip clean water from character themed sippy cups.

When we get to our destination they play happily in a water park or build custom stuffed animals with both parents by their sides.  Later in the evening we have our food brought to us at restaurants of our choosing.

Oh Lord, we have so much, we have too much, we have everything.

With a little hard work and elbow grease we can improve our already fabulous situation, we can move across the country, change careers, aspire, dream, achieve. Continue reading →

Overcome (to the point of the Happy, Ugly Cry)

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Sunday morning I woke up in an awful state.  My chest was tight with anxiety, my mind swimming with unanswered questions.  I could hardly think beyond our budget and calendar.

The weight of it threatened to crush our prospects of having a peaceful or enjoyable Sunday.

Thankfully, God led Kel and I to pray about it all, which isn’t always our usual.  Sometimes I rant and rave with worry until I get put in time out.  And through this, God worked a small miracle and redeemed our Sunday.

We made it to church with only one song left in the worship set, and it was then that these lyrics hit my ears.

775882_28643193 There’s nothing worth more, that will ever come close
nothing can compare, You’re our living hope
Your Presence Lord

I’ve tasted and seen, of the sweetest of Loves
Where my heart becomes free, and my shame is undone
In Your Presence Lord

Holy Spirit You are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your Glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your Presence Lord

Holy Spirit, Jesus Culture, check it out here and then go to iTunes and download it.

Somehow these words hit me with such strength that teared up and grabbed my notebook, sat down and scribbled away.

When I stood back up, I had a new prayer on my lips, so much bigger and better than just: “God make sense of our budget” or “God give us direction for the future.”  I’ll still be saying those prayers, but I’ll be praying this one louder:

I want to be overcome this week, seriously and totally overcome by God’s gifts and fingerprints on my life.  I want to be moved to tears, I want to ugly cry my mascara off for the joy of what I’ve been given. Continue reading →

Still here and here, still.

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Us. Loveseat.

Good morning from my office, the one next to our dining room table which is covered in laundry and uneaten pancakes, still a bit sticky from last night’s mac n cheese for dinner.
Cuz we’re fancy when Kel’s out of town. We sent him on sabbatical by the way, shipped him to a cabin in the woods to talk walks and read books and pray.  I think it’s my season to take special care of him, because marriage has seasons like that, doesn’t it?

So I’ve been solo parenting these past few days, but I refuse to whine about it because I know too many single moms that do it solo every.day.  They’re some of my most super-est heroes. (I’m looking at you Jenae, you stalker)  

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A few hours before Kel left I posted a chalkboard list, asking for ideas to pass the timewhile Kel is away.  I was going to sew the kids a puppet theater, and take them to the library, we were going to make the 45 min trek to the Children’s Museum.

I had big plans to cram the hours full so they’d fly right by.

But we didn’t do most of that list, we played and baked and read a lot but we only left the house together once.  There just wasn’t anyplace we needed to go, we found great contentment in the sweet right here.

Pitawich!We dug into all those new Christmas toys.  We giggled a lot as Noelle invented a new lunch called the pita-wich, a sandwich, IN A PITA!  We think it’s funny but odds are you  had to be here.

I wiped their noses a lot.

We ate mostly clementines and leftovers.

I annoyed Caedmon by sneaking up on him and clipping clothespins on his shirt.

I became a novice railroad engineer by building tracks on the train table.

photo copy 4 We watched Cars 2, a lot and I let them Vroom cars on my head and legs.

My dear friend Jessica came over to help me a bit and I opened up my heart to her.

I spent a lot of time sitting still, snuggling my children more than I have in months.

I doled out hundreds of kisses on their faces and necks, irritating amounts of kisses.

I’m a goer, a doer, a producer, but these past few days I realized that how much I’ve shortchanged my motherhood.

photo copy 3 When they fell asleep I cleaned up the most pressing messes and then headed to bed to read and write and be still some more.

Because we needed this cozy, simple stillness. I needed to remember who I am and see these two beauties for who they are, which is exactly who they were created to be.

Sometimes I see the mothering as the distraction, the roadblock standing between me and what I need to be doing.

photo copy 2 I know that sometimes it will still feel like that.  Things aren’t perfect around here, I’m not living in an permanent state of mom-gasm like some women SEEM to be.  I freak out, I lose it, I need a break from the noise and crazy on a bi-hourly basis.

But this morning as I sip my luke warm coffee I’m simply thankful for the sweet, still right here.

I’m also thankful that Kel gets home in about 5 hours… not that I’m counting.

What’s grounding you these days?  How have you spent the first week of the New Year?

Letters to my Mother (Day 21) rest

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My turn to be someone’s safe place

Dear Mom,

When I was little and afraid I would curl up in the softness of your faded flannel nightgowns. I remember resting my head on your warm lap that smelled like the safety of you.

You would rub my hair, sing “you are my sunshine” and all felt gauzy yellow, softly safe.

I’m exhausted and you’re gone. Life has been emotionally draining lately. So much life and no time to sort thought it all. Continue reading →

31 Letters to my Mother {Day 12} On the sacredness of bedtime stories

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My sweet Noelle reading a book that my dear friend Hannah illustrated. For more info click on the picture.

Dear Mom,

You always told me I was your reader and as a toddler, I would bring you books all day long, begging you to read to me.

I remember bringing you Perfect the Pig and Scruffy the Tugboat over and over again. I’m fairly certain those were my favorites.

Then I grew and was able to read to myself.  And I did, I immersed myself in books on those ugly mauve bedspreads you bought for me and Laura.  You remember, right? The ones that you got as a King bedspread at a garage sale but cut and repurposed for the bunk beds to keep us on budget.

I get it now, the garage sales and budgets, sorry for being snotty about it as  kid.

Kel golfs, I read, we chat, it’s like… the best day ever.

I still read these days, all curled up on my bedspread, yet more often than not I’m reading Goodnight Moon or The Cat in the Hat.  I feel the weight and beauty of motherhood during story time.

My heart melts anytime Caedmon brings me a book and thrusts it onto my lap.  He goes to bed with a book every night, and more often than not it’s “Night moon.”

During bedtimes stories, I feel connected to you and all the other mothers who’ve curled up with their children to soothe them to sleep with stories and songs.

Stories and snuggles to set the tone for a night of restful dreaming.

There is something sacred about sharing words on a page with your children.  Something deeply spiritual about watching their eyes come alive as you “do the voices” and point to the pictures.  I could go on and on about the perfume of old books and johnsons baby shampoo.

My snuggly people, reading.

Thanks for teaching me how to read as a child, that legacy continues.

Thanks for reading to me

Thanks for reading this.

Love you, Miss you

LeaRae

Margin, Margin, SERIOUSLY MARGIN!

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seriously you guys, seriously.

As I’m writing you, I’m wearing my navy cotton robe, the window is open and for now the oppressive heat has broken.  Life is cooling down, can you feel it?

This week I walked away from the internet for a while, it was very 1997 over here.  I should have donned an oversized Abercrombie shirt and a Jennifer Aniston haircut to complete the package.  Maybe watched a little ER and nibbled on some Fun-Yuns (ew)

I lost out on a lot of blog life, tweeting and facebook posts while I was gone.  (I had to re-log into twitter!  Oh the insanity!)

But I gained margin to bear witness to the little moments where God speaks, the daily bread I have so sorely needed.

I love spaces, margin, rhythm and I can’t live a life of constant output without space and punctuation.  I cease to make sense.

ibecomelikeasentancewithoutanyspacestohelpitallmakesense.

Friends, I am convinced that we are giving away all our spaces, filling them with screen time.  We don’t look around while we wait in line, we don’t people watch, we just scroll and screen until our next obligation.

For the first morning I was off I felt like I had lost an appendage, I had phantom iphone pains. Which is insane, almost shameful.

I began to create a ridiculous image in my head of me with one arm and an iphone where the other one should be.  I could hardly navigate life and it was comical but almost strangely poignant.  Am I almost disabled by my constant phone time?

But the more comfortable I got with having free moments of in-between the more I realized that so often it is into those margin moments that God speaks.

Because I wasn’t online, God and I chatted about holiness, how he is whole holy.  We broke a prayer barrier that grew up long ago.

Because I wasn’t online I saw my son in a whole new light, saw the patterns and behaviors that knit together to make up the Caedmon God created for us to raise up.

Because I wasn’t online I became an expert at playing kitties with my daughter. Seriously, I have a killer meow.  I should do a video blog just so the world can catalog and enjoy it.

I realized how much I was measuring myself by your approval, by blog stats and numbers.

I love you all, I was texting with a friend the other day about how I refer to many of you in conversations as my friends even though we likely haven’t even chatted on the phone let alone met face to face.

I get to meet some of you at the STORY conference in a few weeks and I can’t think about it without goosebumps. SO. EXCITED. 

But the thing is, sharing these windows into each other’s lives sustains me on many a lonely “stay at home mom” day.  These words that we swap make me feel less alone in many of the thoughts and fears that plague me.

But friends, Margin… Is… SO… Good!  God speaks in margin, souls breathe in margin, resolve grows in margin, so does love and peace.

I am going out this afternoon to get a margin tattoo.  Not really, but I could take out a billboard on it.

Do you feel like a run together sentence some days?  Do you need a little breathing room, a little margin?   Maybe we need to amputate our screens until they feel like a tool and not an appendage.

Real Connection from Real People (you guys!)

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On Tuesday I asked you all to share your tips and practices for staying connected with your spouse in the midst of crazy busy life.  If I’ve learned one thing from focusing on this subject it is this:  You have to make connection work for you, you cannot CANNOT wait for the perfect circumstances.

Basically, if you connect in small, simple ways regularly and plan special outings occasionally you will give your marriage room to be and grow.

Here are few ways in which you all are staying connected in every day life.
Thank you all so much for sharing your lives in this way.  It’s been such a blessing

1) Natalie and Michael Summers (Married 10 years) Me and Michael try to do a hump day lunch day!  We meet for lunch on Wednesday each week.  It gives us a chance to have adult conversation without listening ears present!  We started doing this a couple of years ago and it really helped keep us sane when we got foster kiddos!  

2) John and Jill Burden- (Married 4 Years)  John and I have a secret message for communicating our love; when we are in public and are feeling lovey dovey toward the other person, we will squeeze the other person’s leg, arm, or hand three times for, “I love you.” Still gives us the butterflies for one another! There is something about having that little gesture between just the two of us that makes us feel closely connected.

3) Lauri and Shannon Rowe (Married 16 years) Weekend getaways. They work wonders for our marriage. The trick is to not think getaways are only for when you are getting along. The best time to take them is when you are frustrated with each other. That is when you need to get alone and remember why you chose each other for this crazy journey. The other thing that is a must is SEX! Yep I said it, do it often, do it well and do it even when you are tired and not in the mood. It is a gift God gives couples and it will reconnect you even when your heart may not be in it.

 4) Mr & Miss Banana Pants  (Married 8 years)  One of the ways that we’ve found is making new tangible memories almost weekly. So much of one’s romance and fun and spontaneity is in the very beginning, when everything is exciting and new and lighthearted. You laugh, you joke, you pose for silly pictures….we decided to bring a bit of that back. We love to take silly pictures of us doing simple things together. The photos I’ve included are us doing the mundane, but making them goofy by taking pics of the moment. One day we decided to stop at a discount store and try on sunglasses, hence the shades with staches! Ha! One is just driving down the road to pick up the kids from Wednesday night church. The other is us enjoying a evening in spring on our bench on the patio just chatting. Nothing new and exciting, but just by whipping out the camera and snapping away, it changed the mood that can sometimes be too serious and too much about the finances or the kids, back to being about us and living in the moment. They are also so cute to look back on in those rough times and smile at your goofy expressions and remember, “Yep, I still do really love that guy.” 

5) Brian and Hannah Harrison (married 7, almost 8 years)  No matter what the day has brought or the evening holds we made it a point to eat dinner together.  Even if he comes home from work and goes then leaves for practice an hour later, we know we have that point of connection.  

6) Dan & Sarah Cody (Married 5 years) We connect on the front porch with a glass of wine or cappuccino after the kids have gone to bed, One of my favorite parts of the day!

7) David & Sally Verkaik (Married 28 years)  This is a shout out to my parent’s marriage, which despite all their bumps was strong and so very faithful.  I remember at least once a week my parents would drive to our local Burger King, which overlooked a hilly field.  They would each order a Hershey Pie and Coffee from BK  and chat in the front seats over coffee and dessert.  

8) Jennifer & Kurt Luitwieler (Married 17 years) - They are just dorky. We text thought the day, sharing stupid things we’ve seen. We post inside jokes on Facebook like teenagers. But mostly, I know Kurt LOVES it when as I pass him, I just give him a touch. An arm, or across his back. Anything. He loves it.

9) Kel & Leanne Penny (Married 6 years) Kel and I try to set a “date night in” and make a somewhat nicer dinner with a bottle of wine after the kids go to bed.  On the night of opening ceremonies we had a London themed Date night in our PJs.  Even on the nights where we crash on the couch we try to lay on the same one and touch so even though we’re zoned out, we’re doing it together.  

So I hope we can all gain a little inspiration for each other and find a way to connect with our spouses intentionally over the weekend.

Thanks for all your thought and comments over this Marriage Week, now I do believe I will take the weekend off and eat a cookie.

But if you have additional ideas leave them in the comment section and let me know which of these inspire you enough to try!

crazy busy connection (let’s share our secrets)

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Tell us how you connect? It doesn’t have to involve Miami Vice attire.

I believe that every couple should have a date night at least once a week.  Before you respond with a resounding “yeah right!” please read on.

Kel and I go out together sans kids maybe once every other month, yet we still try to have a date night once a week.  It doesn’t need to be fancy, it’s often just the two of us eating sundaes over a game of scrabble or sharing a late dinner with cheap wine after the kids go to bed.

Because let’s be honest, how many of us have the money to pay for a sitter AND dinner out once a week?  Honestly?  We don’t.

So we have to get creative, and I bet you do too.  Along these lines, I’m asking you to do me a solid, give me a belated anniversary present

Will you give me your best advice on how you and your significant other manage to connect in the midst of your crazy busy lives?  Despite exhaustion and the pull of zoning out in front of the TV, how do you make time to really see each other?

It can be something you do daily, weekly, or even once in a while, but I would love you to give me the gift of your creative connection ideas.

Here’s the deal, we are all going to share our best ideas on intentional connection in marriage by:

1) Submitting your ideas to me via email (leannerae@gmail.com) or commenting below or via Facebook
2) I’d love it if you include a story of why it works, make it personal!
3) I’d love it even more if you include a picture of you and your special someone.

Then Friday I’m going to share our stories and ideas here on the blog and that weekend we can all do something new to connect in our marriages.

So, are you in?  Will you share your secrets on keeping it sweet and even a little spicy?

Daily Bread, Raining Manna

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Give us this day our daily bread.

For a long time it was something I recited as a child because they taught me to.

At some point I realized that it was about asking God for food, something I wasn’t lacking in my blessed, middle class, American life.

As I grew in faith and maturity I became aware that even though I never lacked food, that my world was full of people who were starving to death.  When my friends flew and returned from Africa and Honduras with stories of streets full of hungry children it became more real, this prayer for bread.

Sometimes I wander into my stocked pantry with exotic jars of dates and 4 different kinds of rice and wonder “where do I get off, God?  Why me?”  I have daily bread to spare and it leaves me in a mixed place of thankfulness and fat guilt.

The Hebrew teachers describe scripture as a book full of jewels with many facets.  Each passage and verse filled with layers of meaning, taking us ever deeper.

Lately, Jesus’ prayer for Daily bread has gone beyond food for the stomach and has spoken to the food needed to sustain my hungry soul.

Summer life can be dry for me, leaving me hungry for quiet moments and routine, desperate for sustained rhythm.  Caedmon is going through his “no” phase and Noelle is so resistant against potty training it’s ridiculous.  There are moments I want to cry, or scream, mostly both.  Sometimes this supposedly blissful mom life makes me want to run out the front door like my hair’s on fire.

Lately, when the ends of my hair start to spark and threaten to burn, God’s been showing me my daily bread.  I stand in the kitchen, face down on the cold countertop when suddenly Caedmon peeks around the corner and yells “a-peek-boo!”

That moment is a bit of my daily bread.

Noelle is beautiful and creative and bless her heart she doesn’t stop talking from sun up to sun down.  There are moments that I long for quiet as she peppers me with questions about what skunks like to eat.  Then she starts playing baby bird with me and asks if we can go to her nest (our bed) and read books together.

Suddenly her tweets as she circles pillows are daily bread.

For too long I thought manna was something that only fell in the desert ages ago, then I realize that it’s raining manna in my home.

Even though life is somewhat hot and dry, I am sustained by a portion beyond measure.

Around the world there are millions with hungry stomachs and billions with hungry, lonely souls.  My heart is burdened with the hungry all wondering if they will be seen, loved, fed.

Can I lift up an entire world that you’re already holding in your hands?  May heavy manna find its way to their tongues, their heart feeling full of your sweet sustenance and love.

As for me God, I dare not ask for more.

How about you?  What manna has hit your tongue this week?

Can you see daily bread, even in your dry spell?

Our Mother/Daughter Bucket List

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the plunge

My Noelle is three, and as I watch her jump off the driving board in the crystal blue water it hits me, she’s not a baby anymore.  I’m the mama of a bouncy, beautiful and brave little girl with a world to explore.

As parents, especially with our first borns, the first years are all snuggles and safety, feeding, changing and car seat checks.  We track milestones and baby proof endlessly until one day we wake up and realize that we have so much more than just this one day to sustain, we share a lifetime with our children.

As we cruised down the parkway yesterday I found myself singing “On my Own” from Les Miserables, loudly, with interpretive hand dancing.  Noelle looked at me with a coy curiosity and I had a sudden urge to introduce her to the classic musicals!  Music Man!  Sound of Music!  Phantom of the Opera and My Fair Lady! (even tho the ending drives me  nuts)  

God help me she will have a strong show tune repertoire to hum through life.

I have a daughter to guide into a woman, as the days add up to years I’ll expose her to as much of the earth’s beauty as I can, and inflict as little pain as possible. Continue reading →