It’s Saturday morning and I’m laying in bed, it’s difficult to say what woke me up, maybe it was the sprinklers or (more likely) the cat, but either way I’m awake and I’m not going back to sleep.
Then the lightbulb in my brain bursts into brilliance, I could get up and be ALONE.
Alone people. In my house. With my couch and coffee and maybe my computer. I could write out a prayer, one to get me through the weekend without Kel… again.
I glance at the clock, the green digital numbers indicate that it’s 6:15. Not too shabby, I’m up alone AND I got 8 hours of sleep.
So I sneak to the kitchen, start the kettle for the coffee and then I hear it. The sound of little, sock covered feet heading my direction. I let out an automatic “CRAP!!!!” (probably the wrong thing to do) before I fumble out a fake, cheerful: “Good morning buddy!”
He immediately starts in with his endless list of whispered demands:
“Hi mom, I want coffee, I have to go pee pee, Can I have a snack? I want my robe, it’s cold, I want to watch Mater’s Tall Tales, what are you doing mom?”
ten minutes later….
“NO MOM THAT IS NOT HOW I WANTED MY RICE CAKE! NOT THAT PLATE, I SPREAD THE JELLY! I WANT TO OPEN THE MICROWAVE AND PUT THE LID ON! AHHHHHH!!!!!!”
At this point, I seriously consider a melt dow of my own. The day has only just begun and already I feel burnt out. In an hour or so Kel will get up, pack a bag, and head out of town.
I’ve made no kid friendly plans for the day, I’m on the verge of tears and starting at a blank canvas of a weekend.
I don’t feel like being a solo parent, I don’t feel like entertaining two preschoolers, I don’t want to make their food and reff their fights and “help them” pick up their toys.
I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna. But that doesn’t matter in the slightest.
This “I don’t wanna” feeling happens to me every weekend now. When people at work say: “hey it’s the weekend!” I give them the hairy, stinky eyeball.
I used to love the weekends, but now? Loathing, dread and yuck. Continue reading